by Jenifer Perico Chavez on Friday, June 3, 2011 at 8:11am
God keep testing my strength and my faith,but he knows I will not give up.
I grew up a fighter, a dreamer and he knows that I just don't easily give up. I have to fight for whatever I have right now. I always believe in doing the right thing, God knows how I lived my life. I was at my young age, I think I was only 10 or 11 when I started going to church alone, seeing a family going together makes me really envious. How I wish I can see my family going to church together, praising God. But it only happens once a year, every christmas, funny how my Dad can go to church once a year, at least I know he believes in GOD. After elementary school, God tested my family, my brother and I have to stop going to private school because of the eruption of Mt. Pinatubo, we lost our home, our means
of living. Dad was also diagnosed with heart disease in the same year, and needs heart transplant. I've seen how hard he fought and we still lost him at my young age. It has been hard for my MOM but she have me and I have been strong for her.
I did not stop dreaming after all those trials in our life. At 12 I started working and after a year of saving enough I went back to school. I finished high school and started making a living a the same time. Going to college was a big challenged, I have no money for it, for a year I was a working student, I accepted the offer to live where the school was, it saved me money for transportation, free food and books because I have access to the library anytime. I realized then that God keeps sending me his blessings though I had to go through difficulties. After a year, I was accepted as a full time scholar. God is GOOD,and I finished college with honor and didn't have to pay for anything. I was so proud of myself finishing school without buying even one text book was amazing.
During all those years, I struggled with my faith and religion. I was born and raised a catholic, but I always felt that something was missing. It didn't help that I lived in a convent for a year, I've seen and was taught to pray the Catholic WAY, the NUNs would want me to stay and was convincing me to be a NUN, but I said I am not going to be happy and jokingly said I might drive all the priests crazy, I might be the naughtiest Nun hehehe. Truth is I knew my happiness is in the outside world, and I have a dream for my family. So I continue my search for him, went to different churches, born again, INC, and once in a while still attending catholic masses. I always been searching for him.
Things has changed when I started working, I got busy with my new life, new lifestyle, work, friends at work and family. I got so busy and enjoy a new world and lost contact with him. Don't get me wrong, I still pray but not spiritually active. It didn't take me long to realized that without him life is not going to be easy and it didn't. I think it makes sense that God sometimes wants us to go through difficulties so we can
get closer to him and strengthened our faith.
After a year of working in an American Company in the Philippines, my MOM breast cancer had some recurrence. She had to go through a lot of treatment, from chemotherapy, hormonal therapy, radiation, cobalt therapy. I gave her the best treatment she could have. But having my mom illness is not enough challenged, God keeps sending more. My brother becomes addicted to drug, the brother who used to be so loving, caring to me, and help me buy my needs during my college years has turned into someone I didn't know. I know I had to do something, I sent him to rehab hoping he will get better and he did. But that didn't took longer, he was at the same addiction after few years. I had to send him again to rehab for year, and giving him another chance to make his mind. I'll tell you sending someone to a rehab is like sending a medical student to a meds school. It costs a lot to send someone in a private rehabilitation in the Philippines. And it's almost a waste of money if there is no improvement. I finally gave up after the two treatment because he didn't show improvement. I tried so much to help him and believe he needs help, but he isn't helping himself. The more I help him the more I am giving myself a hard time accepting that it is the way he wants to live his life. Taking care of my MOM and facing his addiction is not enough, because I need to help my sister who's struggling with her family as well.
Even after all those trials I didn't complain to him. I said this is the life I wanted, devote myself for my family helping them. I don't consider all these things a punishment from GOD. It is a choice I made, I can easily live my life alone, and nothing to care about the world. But I have always a good heart for my family and for people around me. All those years my own happiness has been sacrificed. I am happy doing it, I always believe in helping and keeping my family together, and they have been a sourced of happiness though I can say that it is never easy doing it.
When I lost my MOM two years ago, It is time to decide for my own happines. I moved in Canada, life has been so good. I said all the good things I've done has been paid off because I can finally be me, be happy and someone can take care of me. God has graced me with me so much blessings, a wonderful husband, my daugher Sofia, and a new family. Dealing with in-laws is a great challenge as well. Conflicts arises but I always keep my silence and sometimes gives me so much frustrations and disappointment.
After giving birth to Sofia, I never get the support I needed, I have been so sad, and always wish my MOM is alive or I am with my family in the Philippines, it added more stress on my side. I am just so lucky that my husband is filling all those sadness and frustrations and keeping me happy inspite of those difficulties we both have to face.
This is a time I lost track of him again, it's only been 2 years then he came back and whisper again, it is like he is saying .....Jen I want you back to me. All those blessings are nothing if I am not part of your life. God, this has been the worst of all, facing breast cancer isn't a walk in the park. I know I have only a few years to live, but I am keeping my faith, I will fight through it. God has talked to me through my dreams the day before I had my first treatment, it was after I prayed so hard and talk to him. God I said that night, are you listening to me? I said I am back, I hope you can hear me. I never left you, you are still in my heart, and I have always longing for you. I am just enjoying the life you gave me, was it bad to appreciate all of this, what do you want from me? I said to him. I know he will never answer back through that prayer, but he did in my dreams. I knew that I had a long dream, but I can only remember a few, in my dreams, I was talking to him, and he said he extended my life. I signed a contract with God, extending my life. I do not know until when? I do not know how long. I woke up that morning having the best feeling in my entire life. I had a huge smile in my face, my hubby asked me what happened? I said "I HAD A TALK WITH GOD" then I smile.
I do not fear death, maybe that is one of the reason I still enjoy living. The only time you will love life and enjoy living is when you fear nothing.
I don't fear cancer either, though as a human I have my days when I get weak, sad, lonely but after realizing I might only have few times left, I started boucing again and be as happy as I could be. Life is good after all, that is why when I see people complain about simple things makes me wanna ask WHY? you have a better
life ahead of you......stop complaining and start appreciating life has given you. Ohhhh I think I wrote enough I just can't stop writing...must be the chemo, surprisingly makes me write, I love while on chemo, weird effect on me, I am so pumped up hehehe. I hope to someone who reads this gives you some inspiration, a reason to fight and be happy because your life has never been as hard as mine and makes you think why is she still HAPPY? then ask yourself, maybe I need GOD too in my life :-)
Whatever trials difficulties you are having in life. do not think that God is punishing you, because when you grow more in your faith you will learn about God's bigger plan for you.
I know God has bigger plan for me. More and more I am coming into the belief that all things work together for the good of those who love and serve the Lord. I don't know what God's plan for me is, and with each day that passes I grow more and more comfortable with not knowing...with trusting that God has nothing, but the best of intentions for me. I don't think I can do anything that will make God hate me or want to turn his back on me. Whatever he is up to, it is good. I may not understand it, but it is good, because God is good :=)
God keep testing my strength and my faith,but he knows I will not give up.
I grew up a fighter, a dreamer and he knows that I just don't easily give up. I have to fight for whatever I have right now. I always believe in doing the right thing, God knows how I lived my life. I was at my young age, I think I was only 10 or 11 when I started going to church alone, seeing a family going together makes me really envious. How I wish I can see my family going to church together, praising God. But it only happens once a year, every christmas, funny how my Dad can go to church once a year, at least I know he believes in GOD. After elementary school, God tested my family, my brother and I have to stop going to private school because of the eruption of Mt. Pinatubo, we lost our home, our means
of living. Dad was also diagnosed with heart disease in the same year, and needs heart transplant. I've seen how hard he fought and we still lost him at my young age. It has been hard for my MOM but she have me and I have been strong for her.
I did not stop dreaming after all those trials in our life. At 12 I started working and after a year of saving enough I went back to school. I finished high school and started making a living a the same time. Going to college was a big challenged, I have no money for it, for a year I was a working student, I accepted the offer to live where the school was, it saved me money for transportation, free food and books because I have access to the library anytime. I realized then that God keeps sending me his blessings though I had to go through difficulties. After a year, I was accepted as a full time scholar. God is GOOD,and I finished college with honor and didn't have to pay for anything. I was so proud of myself finishing school without buying even one text book was amazing.
During all those years, I struggled with my faith and religion. I was born and raised a catholic, but I always felt that something was missing. It didn't help that I lived in a convent for a year, I've seen and was taught to pray the Catholic WAY, the NUNs would want me to stay and was convincing me to be a NUN, but I said I am not going to be happy and jokingly said I might drive all the priests crazy, I might be the naughtiest Nun hehehe. Truth is I knew my happiness is in the outside world, and I have a dream for my family. So I continue my search for him, went to different churches, born again, INC, and once in a while still attending catholic masses. I always been searching for him.
Things has changed when I started working, I got busy with my new life, new lifestyle, work, friends at work and family. I got so busy and enjoy a new world and lost contact with him. Don't get me wrong, I still pray but not spiritually active. It didn't take me long to realized that without him life is not going to be easy and it didn't. I think it makes sense that God sometimes wants us to go through difficulties so we can
get closer to him and strengthened our faith.
After a year of working in an American Company in the Philippines, my MOM breast cancer had some recurrence. She had to go through a lot of treatment, from chemotherapy, hormonal therapy, radiation, cobalt therapy. I gave her the best treatment she could have. But having my mom illness is not enough challenged, God keeps sending more. My brother becomes addicted to drug, the brother who used to be so loving, caring to me, and help me buy my needs during my college years has turned into someone I didn't know. I know I had to do something, I sent him to rehab hoping he will get better and he did. But that didn't took longer, he was at the same addiction after few years. I had to send him again to rehab for year, and giving him another chance to make his mind. I'll tell you sending someone to a rehab is like sending a medical student to a meds school. It costs a lot to send someone in a private rehabilitation in the Philippines. And it's almost a waste of money if there is no improvement. I finally gave up after the two treatment because he didn't show improvement. I tried so much to help him and believe he needs help, but he isn't helping himself. The more I help him the more I am giving myself a hard time accepting that it is the way he wants to live his life. Taking care of my MOM and facing his addiction is not enough, because I need to help my sister who's struggling with her family as well.
Even after all those trials I didn't complain to him. I said this is the life I wanted, devote myself for my family helping them. I don't consider all these things a punishment from GOD. It is a choice I made, I can easily live my life alone, and nothing to care about the world. But I have always a good heart for my family and for people around me. All those years my own happiness has been sacrificed. I am happy doing it, I always believe in helping and keeping my family together, and they have been a sourced of happiness though I can say that it is never easy doing it.
When I lost my MOM two years ago, It is time to decide for my own happines. I moved in Canada, life has been so good. I said all the good things I've done has been paid off because I can finally be me, be happy and someone can take care of me. God has graced me with me so much blessings, a wonderful husband, my daugher Sofia, and a new family. Dealing with in-laws is a great challenge as well. Conflicts arises but I always keep my silence and sometimes gives me so much frustrations and disappointment.
After giving birth to Sofia, I never get the support I needed, I have been so sad, and always wish my MOM is alive or I am with my family in the Philippines, it added more stress on my side. I am just so lucky that my husband is filling all those sadness and frustrations and keeping me happy inspite of those difficulties we both have to face.
This is a time I lost track of him again, it's only been 2 years then he came back and whisper again, it is like he is saying .....Jen I want you back to me. All those blessings are nothing if I am not part of your life. God, this has been the worst of all, facing breast cancer isn't a walk in the park. I know I have only a few years to live, but I am keeping my faith, I will fight through it. God has talked to me through my dreams the day before I had my first treatment, it was after I prayed so hard and talk to him. God I said that night, are you listening to me? I said I am back, I hope you can hear me. I never left you, you are still in my heart, and I have always longing for you. I am just enjoying the life you gave me, was it bad to appreciate all of this, what do you want from me? I said to him. I know he will never answer back through that prayer, but he did in my dreams. I knew that I had a long dream, but I can only remember a few, in my dreams, I was talking to him, and he said he extended my life. I signed a contract with God, extending my life. I do not know until when? I do not know how long. I woke up that morning having the best feeling in my entire life. I had a huge smile in my face, my hubby asked me what happened? I said "I HAD A TALK WITH GOD" then I smile.
I do not fear death, maybe that is one of the reason I still enjoy living. The only time you will love life and enjoy living is when you fear nothing.
I don't fear cancer either, though as a human I have my days when I get weak, sad, lonely but after realizing I might only have few times left, I started boucing again and be as happy as I could be. Life is good after all, that is why when I see people complain about simple things makes me wanna ask WHY? you have a better
life ahead of you......stop complaining and start appreciating life has given you. Ohhhh I think I wrote enough I just can't stop writing...must be the chemo, surprisingly makes me write, I love while on chemo, weird effect on me, I am so pumped up hehehe. I hope to someone who reads this gives you some inspiration, a reason to fight and be happy because your life has never been as hard as mine and makes you think why is she still HAPPY? then ask yourself, maybe I need GOD too in my life :-)
Whatever trials difficulties you are having in life. do not think that God is punishing you, because when you grow more in your faith you will learn about God's bigger plan for you.
I know God has bigger plan for me. More and more I am coming into the belief that all things work together for the good of those who love and serve the Lord. I don't know what God's plan for me is, and with each day that passes I grow more and more comfortable with not knowing...with trusting that God has nothing, but the best of intentions for me. I don't think I can do anything that will make God hate me or want to turn his back on me. Whatever he is up to, it is good. I may not understand it, but it is good, because God is good :=)
RSS Feed