Lately, I have been going through some hard times, and I asked myself how much more I can handle, weekly chemo has been so toughed on me, I have been spending more and more time in the hospitall, Dr’s appointment, weekly blood draw and chemo treatment, ct scan, bone scan etc....It’s been this way for almost 3 yrs now, I should say I am getting tired and worn-out.
I just had my CT Scan done yesterday, this will confirm if the chemo treatment is working. So much frustrations as I have waited in the scan room, confusion with time and medication they need to give me, hours of waiting and fasting, I have been starving, drowsy with the medication, I shed tears and asked myself will I ever be well? is my life still worth living? this incurable disease is giving me so much pain and suffering.
Every bit of this pain and suffering will either draw me away from God or closer to Him, In my case it has drawn me closer. In times of this, I seek comfort from God, and prayed to him. I prayed that my suffering will not be wasted, that this suffering is an investment that God made in my life, because He trusts me enough to allow me to face the dark hours of my soul.
My affliction has stretched my hope, made me know Christ better, helped me long for truth, asked for forgiveness of my sin, and teach me to give thanks in times of sorrow, increased my faith and strengthened my character. I will live in faith and hope in God’s power.
I’ve realized then, that even if I survive this disease, I am not going to survive forever. It’s just a matter of time. I am not afraid to die, I can’t lose. I’ll either live longer and do more work for God or I’ll go home to be with HIM. Either way is a WIN for me :-).
I just had my CT Scan done yesterday, this will confirm if the chemo treatment is working. So much frustrations as I have waited in the scan room, confusion with time and medication they need to give me, hours of waiting and fasting, I have been starving, drowsy with the medication, I shed tears and asked myself will I ever be well? is my life still worth living? this incurable disease is giving me so much pain and suffering.
Every bit of this pain and suffering will either draw me away from God or closer to Him, In my case it has drawn me closer. In times of this, I seek comfort from God, and prayed to him. I prayed that my suffering will not be wasted, that this suffering is an investment that God made in my life, because He trusts me enough to allow me to face the dark hours of my soul.
My affliction has stretched my hope, made me know Christ better, helped me long for truth, asked for forgiveness of my sin, and teach me to give thanks in times of sorrow, increased my faith and strengthened my character. I will live in faith and hope in God’s power.
I’ve realized then, that even if I survive this disease, I am not going to survive forever. It’s just a matter of time. I am not afraid to die, I can’t lose. I’ll either live longer and do more work for God or I’ll go home to be with HIM. Either way is a WIN for me :-).
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