by Jenifer Perico Chavez on Friday, June 3, 2011 at 8:11am
God keep testing my strength and my faith,but he knows I will not give up.
 
I grew up a fighter, a dreamer and he knows that I just don't easily give up.  I have to fight for whatever I have right now.  I always believe in doing the right thing, God knows how I lived my life.  I was at my young age, I think I was only 10 or 11 when I started going to church alone, seeing a family going together makes me really envious.  How I wish I can see my family going to church together, praising God.  But it only happens once a year, every christmas, funny how my Dad can go to church once a year, at least I know he believes in GOD.  After elementary school, God tested my family, my brother and I have to stop going to private school because of the eruption of Mt. Pinatubo, we lost our home, our means
of living.  Dad was also diagnosed with heart disease in the same year, and needs heart transplant.  I've seen how hard he fought and we still lost him at my young age. It has been hard for my MOM but she have me and I have been strong for her.
 
I did not stop dreaming  after all those trials in our life. At 12 I started working and after a year  of saving enough I went back to school. I finished high school and started making a living a the same time.  Going to college was a big challenged, I have no money for it, for a year I was a working student, I accepted the offer to live where the school was, it saved me money for transportation, free food and books because I have access to the library anytime.  I realized then that God keeps sending me his blessings though I had to  go through difficulties. After a year, I was accepted as a full time scholar.  God is GOOD,and I finished college with honor and  didn't have  to pay for anything.  I was so proud of myself finishing school without buying even one text book was amazing. 
 
During all those years, I struggled with my faith and religion. I was born and raised a catholic, but I always felt that something was missing.  It didn't help that I lived in a convent for a year,  I've seen and was taught to pray the Catholic WAY, the NUNs would want me to stay and was convincing me to be a NUN, but I said I am not going to be happy and jokingly said I might drive all the priests crazy, I might be the naughtiest Nun hehehe.  Truth is I knew my happiness is in the outside world, and I have a dream for my family. So I continue my search for him, went to different churches, born again, INC, and once in a while still attending catholic masses. I always been searching for him. 
 
Things has changed when I started working, I got busy with my new life, new lifestyle, work, friends at work and family.  I got so busy and enjoy a new world and lost contact with him.  Don't get me wrong, I still pray but not spiritually active.   It didn't take me long to realized that without him life is not going to be easy and it didn't.  I think it makes sense that God sometimes wants us to go through difficulties so we can
get closer to him and strengthened our faith.
 
After a year of working in an American Company in the Philippines, my MOM breast cancer had some recurrence. She had to go through a lot of treatment, from chemotherapy, hormonal therapy, radiation, cobalt therapy.  I gave her the best treatment she could have.   But having my mom illness is not enough challenged, God keeps sending more.  My brother becomes addicted to drug, the brother who used to be so loving, caring to me, and help me  buy my needs during my college years has turned into someone I didn't know.  I know I had to do something, I sent him to rehab hoping he will get better and he did.  But that didn't took longer, he was at the same addiction after few years.  I had to send him again to rehab for year, and giving him another chance to make his mind.  I'll tell you sending someone to a rehab is like sending a medical student to a meds school.  It costs a lot to send someone in a private rehabilitation in the Philippines.   And it's almost a waste of money if there is no improvement.  I finally gave up after the two treatment because he didn't show improvement.  I tried so much to help him and believe he needs help, but he isn't helping himself.  The more I help him the more I am giving myself a hard time accepting that it is the way he wants to live his life.  Taking care of my MOM and facing his addiction is not enough, because I need to help my sister who's struggling with her family as well. 
 
Even after all those trials I didn't complain to him.  I said this is the life I wanted, devote myself for my family helping them.  I don't consider all these things a punishment from GOD.  It is a choice I made, I can easily live my life alone, and nothing to care about the world.  But I have always a good heart for my family and for people around me.   All those years my own happiness has been sacrificed.  I am happy doing it, I always believe in helping and keeping my family together, and they have been a sourced of happiness though I can say that it is never easy doing it. 
 
When I lost my MOM two years ago, It is time  to decide for my own happines.  I moved in Canada, life has been so good.  I said all the good things I've done has been paid off because I can finally be me, be happy and someone can take care of me.  God has graced me with me so much blessings, a wonderful husband, my daugher Sofia, and a new family.  Dealing with in-laws is a great challenge as well.  Conflicts arises but I always keep my silence and sometimes gives me so much frustrations and disappointment.
After giving birth to Sofia, I never get the support I needed, I have been so sad, and always wish my MOM is alive or I am with my family in  the Philippines, it added more stress on my side.  I am just so lucky that my husband is filling all those sadness and frustrations and keeping me happy inspite of those difficulties we both have to face.
 
This is a time I lost track of him again, it's only been 2 years then he came back and whisper again, it is like he is saying .....Jen I want you back to me.  All those blessings are nothing if I am not part of your life.  God, this has been the worst of all, facing breast cancer isn't a walk in the park.  I know I have only a few years to live, but I am keeping my faith, I will fight through it.  God has talked to me through my dreams the day before I had my first treatment, it was after  I prayed so hard and talk to him.  God I said that night, are you listening to me? I said I am back, I hope you can hear me.  I never left you, you are still in my heart, and I have always longing for you.  I am just enjoying the life you gave me, was it bad to appreciate all of this, what do you want from me? I said to him.  I know he will never answer back through that prayer, but he did in my dreams.  I knew that I had a long dream, but I can only remember a few, in my dreams,  I was talking to him, and he said he extended my life.  I signed a contract with God, extending my life.  I do not know until when? I do not know how long.  I woke up that morning having the best feeling in my entire life.  I had a huge smile in my face, my hubby asked me what happened? I said "I HAD A TALK WITH GOD" then I smile.
 
I do not fear death, maybe that is one of the reason I still enjoy living.  The only time you will love life and enjoy living is when you fear nothing. 
 
I don't fear cancer either, though as a human I have my days when I get weak, sad, lonely but after realizing I might only have few times left, I started boucing again and be as happy as I could be.  Life is good after all, that is why when I see people complain about simple things makes me wanna ask WHY? you have a better
life ahead of you......stop complaining and start appreciating life has given you.  Ohhhh I think I wrote enough I just can't stop writing...must be the chemo, surprisingly makes me write, I love while on chemo, weird effect on me, I am so pumped up hehehe.  I hope to someone who reads this gives you some inspiration, a reason to fight and be happy because your life has never been as hard as mine and makes you think why is she still HAPPY? then ask yourself, maybe I need GOD too in my life :-)
 
Whatever trials difficulties you are having in life. do not think that God is  punishing you,  because when you grow more in your  faith you will learn about God's bigger plan for you. 
 
I know God has bigger plan for me.  More and more I am coming into the belief that all things work together for the good of those who love and serve the Lord. I don't know what God's plan for me is, and with each day that passes I grow more and more comfortable with not knowing...with trusting that God has nothing, but the best of intentions for me. I don't think I can do anything that will make God hate me or want to turn his back on me. Whatever he is up to, it is good. I may not understand it, but it is good, because God is good :=)
 

by Jenifer Perico Chavez on Wednesday, May 25, 2011 at 2:04pm
I thought I had a lot on my plate, husband has a good job,  new house, new job , one healthy baby but fate tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me that there will always be new challenges for as long as I'm alive.  Being diagnosed with breast cancer can be daunting.  I never thought I would have it because I am way too young for it.  I tried to eat healthy food, lived a very healthy way of life but felt betrayed. 
 
I had felt a lump during my late pregnancy with Sofia in 2009, my Dr thought it was pregnancy related and would resolve itself.  I have it checked again after giving birth, and Dr. said it could be a clogged milk duct and related to breastfeeding, she said be back after 6 months if I feel the lump getting bigger.   I got busy after then and forgot about the lump thing.  After few months I started having abdominal pain and went to a new Doctor as I don’t feel confident with my old one,  my new Dr. sent me to get an abdomen ultrasound and we did find out that cancer has spread to the liver and bones as well.  Another request for mammogram, which couldn’t detect the breast tumor because it is way too small (0.98cm), went for ultrasound and biopsy result show for sure it was cancer.
 
I get mad sometimes thinking back about it! With my doing a research about cancer, I just found out that there seems a lot of us with young children were told "it's nursing issues" which it turned out NOT to be. I say forget the early detection- because I detected EARLY.. there needs to be more focus on early DIAGNOSING!  early detection could SAVE LIVES.  I will say that if YOU feel a lump then have it check and make sure to request for a biopsy if Mammogram couldn't detect it.
 
I am not happy to have cancer, but am happy with how everything is going so far.  I will say what has changed most in my life is I found out how many people REALLY love me. How many people are willing to make big changes in their life to accommodate the changes in mine.
 
I still haven’t asked "why me" ....my feeling is "why not me" what makes me any different than the milllions of women all over the world who may get cancer, have cancer, or have died from cancer.   I have seen many tragic situations happen to people who certainly didn't deserve it. Children with cancer, tragic accidents, the list goes on.   I’m certainly no saint, but I don't believe cancer is a punishment anymore than "a gift”. I do believe in God and have become more spiritual.  Should I expect a miracle? maybe yes, I plan to live a longer life.
 
What cancer has  taught me something,  "bad things happen to good people",  and life was good before cancer, am I upset I got it, your damn right I am, do I wish it never happened, your damn right I do, but has cancer made me re-evaluate my life, and how I have lived it....................not a chance..............cancer does not deserve credit for anything, other then being the horrible disease that it is............
 
 I did not need cancer to take over my life, for me to all of a sudden find the "beauty in life"    All I have to do is look at my daughter, my house, my loving husband, my family and friends to realize how blessed I am, and life is good... Cancer has changed my perspective to some degree, but I have always been a person who has tried to live each day to the fullest and I haven't put off those things I have wanted to do.

by Jenifer Perico Chavez on Wednesday, April 20, 2011 at 12:33pm
God hears all our prayers.......I am so thankful for those who offered prayers and still praying for me. I have a good news my friends and family, yesterday went to see my Oncologist, and said that looks like first round of chemo works.... 3 masses (tumor) in my liver has gone..(YEHEY)...(left and right liver has 2.5cm of tumor)....liver enzymes went to normal level. I am doing the HAPPY DANCE now.....hehehehe.....thanks everyone.....
 
Next mission is tumor in my bones....Deng!!! Bone scan results lights like a Christmas tree...(lol)..it's in my spine, left shoulder, both hips, and skull....I hope these are all gone by the time I am done with chemo no. 3...(will repeat bone scan)...PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR ME......GOD IS GOOD and there is nothing impossible with him.

By Jenifer Perico Chavez· Monday, March 14, 201

Haven't finished all the test yet...I had mammogram and biopsy last week and this week will have my bone scan again. The hospital assigned a Surgeon and Oncologist for me....we will meet the surgeon later today and oncologist the following day. We don't know the extent of my condition, at this point we are preparing for anything....this is the toughest one yet...I am so grateful for all of you who cares about us....thanks again and appreciate your concern....please continue to pray for us.

By Jenifer Perico Chavez· Sunday, February 27, 2011

It has been a few days since I found out that I am sick...At that time after I found out about it, I thought it was the end of the world. But it seems that each day I am finding strength, from our family and friends who lovingly gives me encouragement and after the church today, it felt like a heavy weight has been lifted from my chest. So from today I decided that I will live each day just like before, full of hope, full of dreams, with my sofia and my loving hubby, I know we will get through this most difficult trials of our lives....